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Cathedral Commando

Today was the installation service for rushing in. With a crisis averted,
the new Dean of Manchester. I had been everyone took their place in
recruited to be the crucifer (cross line.Suddenly, I heard, "Geoffery, come
bearer), mostly because I was the only in. The bishop needs his staff." I
one willing to give up my Saturday turned to my left and saw the slightly
morning to attend church. I had toyed panicked Head Verger looking hopefully
with the idea of attending the service at walkie-talkie. It wasn't talkie-ing
anyway, since the Cathedral is my parish back. I laughed out loud at the
church. Also, I have learned to absurdity of the situation. The Verger,
appreciate a good ceremony during my time perhaps too involved in the Bishop
in this country. The English are crisis, didn't appear to appreciate the
unparalleled in their ability to do pomp. moment's comedic value.Grasping his
The Church of England, in particular, walkie-talkie a little more desperately,
takes full advantage of its resources so the Verger repeated his message,
one can be assured a splendid choir, "Geoffery. Do you have Bishop's
apocalyptic organ and regal brass staff?"Silence.The Verger moved a few
accoutrements. When other countries try steps to his left. "Geoffery! Can you
to be ceremonial, the result is always a hear me now??"Visions of Operation
bit naff, like they are re-enacting the Vestment began to roll around in my mind.
real thing with costumes they got from
their childhood dress-up box.This [melodramatic voiceover]
occasion involved civic as well as "Deep in the bowels of an ancient
religious dignitaries so there were all Cathedral, a lone Verger is searching
manner of horsehair wigs, tri-cornered frantically for the Bishop's staff. He
hats, ruffs, surplices, shiny military is trying to desperately to communicate
medals, swords, ecclesiastical vestments, with Geoffery, the second in command, but
sceptres, orbs and even an outrageous hat his efforts are in vain. Clearly the
or two worn by a borough mayor's wife. Cathedral's builders were not
An unwitting passerby could be forgiven anticipating this moment when they built
for thinking the Cathedral was holding a walls too thick for radio waves to
fancy dress party.So I was standing in penetrate. The Bishop cannot join the
the corridor behind the nave waiting for procession without his staff!What is the
the service to get underway. There were Verger to do?!Will this slight
loads of people milling about in miscalculation by 17th century builders
different outfits. The choir were bored jeopardise the entire service?Stay
and mischievous, the Vergers fussing over tuned..."
every detail and the civic dignitaries [fade out]The five-minutes-till-showtime
were hopelessly confused about where they bell rang and everyone got into position.
were supposed to stand and where various I retrieved the cross, a spiffy gold one
pieces of their ceremonial dress were today, and led the choir into the side
supposed to go. As usual, the clergy were aisle. When organist belted out the
hiding out in the back room until the introduction of the opening hymn, I set
very last second.A woman was keeping note off. Another Cathedral service had
of which dignitaries had arrived and as begun.It is not one that is often
the start time came closer, she become performed, as Deans tend to stay around
more and more agitated that Tameside and for a while but nonetheless I was glad
Wigan still had not arrived. Honestly. that I had got out of bed and
Did they get the email? Were they were participated. The event was not of
included on the revised list? Wigan global or even national importance but
hurriedly made their way to the holding quite meaningful for the Diocese of
room, tri-cornered hat and gown slightly Manchester, parishioners of the Cathedral
askew, and the lady was now able focus Church and, of course, the new Dean,
all of her annoyance on the Rogers Govender.So, congratulations
as-yet-to-appear Mayor and Mayoress of Rogers.See you 'round.Marcia Adair is a
Tameside.Wigan got a text message: freelance writer and fine art
"Tameside is stuck in traffic" As the photographer based in the North West of
start time grew nearer, the woman in England.Her photographs are available for
charge had to work harder and harder to commerial and artistic purposes and may
keep her freak-out at bay. Then, at the be viewed at is also available for
eleventh hour, Tameside and his wife came writing assigments.




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